Yes...I realize this isn't a video

It’s funny how there is this immediate realization of one’s need to become everything we have never been when confronted with the idea of raising a child. I am constantly being asked, “are you excited?” I struggle to answer that question. Never before has so much excitement been mixed up in so much responsibility, fear and wonder. There is an emotion that wells up within me that I simply cannot express. I open my mouth to vocalize the truth of where I am at and all that comes out is some misconstrued comment about how it’s crazy to have a girl. How do I simply tell people that I am overcome with love for something I have never seen and someone I have never met? How can I tell somebody that even though it is not my body that is being affected by pregnancy, that my mind races from thought to thought, imagining her first steps and what it will feel like to grasp her tiny hand? I can’t… not without sounding slightly less masculine (a price that I seem unwilling to pay at this point). I sometimes question God amidst this. Does He really know what He is doing? I am not exactly the prime candidate to be a father at the moment. I struggle with sentimentality at times. I am utterly sarcastic and part of me is still trying to grasp what it is to passionately lead almost two hundred students in the direction of Christ on a weekly basis. Where does a child play into that? And yet… it all feels somewhat ok. Whether I am ready or not, I will be her father and she will be my daughter and there will be a wonderful place reserved for her in our home. She will be loved and cared for and I can only imagine that God will shape and mold me through this process every bit as much and if not more than I could ever dream of shaping or molding this little life before me. We will call her Felicity and not because it sounds like a cool name or because it’s original, but because it means an excess of happiness or joy. Whether the world shall define her that way or not, she is already defined as such within me and so it is with excitement that I write this post, one month away from being able to proudly present this source of great joy to the world around me. So, should you be blessed to play a part in this little life my only request is that you care for her and love her in a way that points toward Christ. That is my greatest hope and desire as a future parent. And should you ask, am I excited to be a father? I’ll look you in the eye and answer back, “Sure.” But, I’ll walk away wishing I could express to you that it is so much more than that.